Depression, Etc. (#7)

I'm still coming off of my sad day yesterday. My depression began again night before last. I call this kind of depression that's not as severe as a full breakdown, but not like the Sunday blues, an aftershock. So I began having an aftershock day before yesterday. It was sudden and I was trying to think of what it felt like. It was almost like a giant could bend down, pick me up and throw me in his mouth, and then crunch me to pieces. That's kind of what the depression feels like if I try to fight it. I've found that when I try to fight it, I do it in two ways. One way is to decide I want to screw off my head and put it somewhere else while I go about having a nice day. The other way is to change something. Buy a new outfit, change my hair color, stuff like that. But if I fight it, then I fight the giant, and trying to change something, when what you're really trying to do is to fill the gaping emotional hole, is not addressing the problem. Really, the best way for me to deal with depression is to go through it. Of course I need my help, like my medication, otherwise I feel like I might drown. Going through it involves allowing the depression to just happen, to unfold, maybe allowing my feelings to develop as they will and letting myself feel my feelings. Writing in the blog is really helpful. I've also looked at cuteoverload.com and at icanhascheezburger.com and that gives me a smile. And Matt and I went for a walk this afternoon. Going through the depression with all my ammunition is kind of like weathering the storm but having shelter . I wish I could look at my depression as my very own party. I could be like Z-Man in the film "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" and say This is my happening and it freaks me out! Yes, it certainly is a freaky party.