Depression, Etc. (#23): Illness, Strength, and Vulnerability

Why do I feel like Snoopy #1 when I'd like to feel like Snoopy #2. The body does strange things when it wants us to stop or slow down. There are so many variations on what the body does to protect itself that I don't grasp the physiology of it all. I do know that since I've been dealing with my IBS I've had lots of nausea and have been sleeping most of the day. I would assume that the sleeping-a-lot part has to do with the body preserving energy and sometimes it's the only way to calm the nausea.

I've read that the body protects the individual during depression. I'm paraphrasing this, but the books The Zen Path through Depression by Philip Martin and Listening to Depression by Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D, expand on how the body reacts to depression and what that means for the soul. I don't know if the symptoms of a chemically-based depression also cause the body to retreat in order to heal itself. But it could make sense if the body needs a way to fight back when depression is even partly the result of a chemical whoopsie-daisy. Maybe the body just goes into fight mode.

Since going through a relapse in my depression as well as IBS, what I experience as weakness and withdrawal have come down on me like a hammer. One of the results of the IBS/depression is the feeling of desperate vulnerability. Whenever I get sick I feel a certain amount of depression, but right now I feel that my body could fall apart at any moment AND I feel like crying about everything, including those Hallmark commercials that show up every once and a while. It's just not fun right now.