HEART HURTWhen I'm depressed, which is happening to me now, I sometimes get what I call heart hurt. It's a pain in my chest and solar plexus which is hard to ignore because it's gnawing. It's almost as if I have extra weight in my heart and my body is like lead. Today in my DBT workbook I was reading about mindfulness. Mindfulness is a seemingly easy thing to practice. But it's not. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. Be in the moment. In order to be mindful you really have to take one thing, one emotion, at a time. I was at our local Panera, having a bagel and a smoothie, reading about mindfulness, a little overwhelmed by my own hurt and all the noise around me. I hunkered down, though, and was able to read the chapter. I've actually done meditation before which is truly an amazing exercise. To see your emotions outside of you, that you are not your emotions, that you are not your pain, is fantastic. It's something that comes from practice. When I have heart hurt I just want to cry and I certainly don't want to be more mindful. But I know mindfulness will actually help me. Still, it seems that getting better is such a distant dream sometimes and that the depression will kill me. It takes me through the day in its clutches and won't let go. I did find the DBT practice was helping. Then I finished reading the chapter and felt that sinking feeling again. If only I could fold myself in the pages of that book and not have the depression and not have this damn heart hurt that makes me feel like I'm broken.
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1 comment:
Tracy,
My 25 year old daughter benefitted so much from a DBT group. I've done mindful breathing for years now for stress (Thich Nhat Hah books)(I hope i spelled his name right) have helped too.
One exercise I do, is this:
Take a deep breath and in your mind say "as I breathe in I relax my body, as I breathe out I smile."
When you breathe out, allow yourself to actually smile.
it's amazing the transformation that did for me.(and I need to do it more)
Hang in there,
Stephany
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