Depression, Etc. (#1): Depression and its Relatives

One thing I'll be talking a lot about in my blog is DEPRESSION. Ah, yes, that word defined as meteorological, geological, or psychological. I deal with the psychological version of it. Since the age of about thirteen (who knows, maybe earlier) I've had clinical, or major, depression. I'm going to take what I like to call the Woody Allen approach to my exploration of depression. If you don't like Woody Allen, think Cameron Crowe, who directed "Almost Famous." Mix in a bit of seriousness, a bit of humor, a little bittersweetness. I want to emphasize is that I've had so many experiences with depression that it defies a movie-of-the-week definition. Go from your shock treatment appointment to spiritual conversion. Sometimes the spiritual conversion comes before the shock treatment. Fortunately, I've never had shock treatment but I've considered it to some degree. Everyone's depression is different. Talking about depression isn't anything new, so I won't be coming up with any earthshattering theories about it, though I've lived with depression long enough (over 20 years) to know what it means to me and to find that some of its effects have been personally earthshattering. Some of my experiences with depression will be pretty easy for me to discuss. And some of my experiences will be very difficult. You'll have to bear with me. When I mention "relatives" in the title of this entry, I mean the psychological states and physical manifestations that may be connected to my depression: OCD (or Obssessive-Compulsive Disorder), anxiety, panic attacks, IBS (or Irritable Bowel Syndrom), and some PTSD (post-traumatic stress syndrome).

When I read about someone's depression I like it to be enjoyable, if writing about difficult experiences can be considered enjoyable. When I say enjoyable I don't mean that writing about depression has to read like an essay. That's a dangerous point of view. Anyone's form of releasing painful emotions, whether in a sad poem, a weird drawing, or a simple scribble of I feel shitty today is crucial. I've had my share of that. It's important. Silence is not good. When I say enjoyable I mean honest, that the writing reflects the range of emotions, the range of experiences, from absurd to mundane, in no particular order. So if you write about feel shitty, then you feel like telling a joke, that can be honest. Sometimes depression is like an unrelenting demon and sometimes it's like a Keystone Cop. I hope that what I write about depression and its "relatives" is helpful. I hope that the writing gives me some insight and can help others. And I'll be mentioning my husband a looooooot in these entries. Matt's been my supportive friend and, I know, a victim of its effects via ME. I'd love any comments about your own experiences with any form of depression and its relatives, if you feel up to it. Feel free to ask questions too. I'm still learning as I go along. It's not easy but there's comfort in connecting with others. You can email me at twilsontucker@gmail.com if you don't want your comments to show up here.